I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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