Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
