distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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