My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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