I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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