well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
