I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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