Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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