I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
