I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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