You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
