My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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