I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
