Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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