Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
