Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
they need to just BURY HIM!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
