Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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