No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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