the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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