hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
