Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
