So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
