And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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