She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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