You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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