Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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