My first STD was from a foam party
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
