so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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