You just made me feel so damn special
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
