Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
tell me about the eggs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
