Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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