And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
