How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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