Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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