I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
