yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
