He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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