we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
