Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
