I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
