I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Rumble strips road head = magical
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We don't watch enough power rangers
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
