Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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