New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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