Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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