The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
