I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
