My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
false alarm, still single
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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