Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
