he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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