So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
