he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
