yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
