oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
