i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
