david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
