dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
