I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
