I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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