do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
